


Where Are You?

by RaynaSkyeWinchester



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Abuse, Alternate Universe - Military, Eren Is a Little Shit, Eren Yeager Has Heterochromia Iridum, F/F, F/M, In the Beginning, Levi's POV, M/M, Military, ereri, eruri - Freeform, riren - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-03
Updated: 2016-05-15
Packaged: 2018-06-05 19:31:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,482
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6718822
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RaynaSkyeWinchester/pseuds/RaynaSkyeWinchester
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This story is going to be sad. No doubt about it. I swear on my life that I'm actually going to stick with it, but if you are in any way invested in these characters as much as I am, then I don't see anyone having a dry eye at the end of this. All you gotta do is open it. </p>
<p>The story in which Levi thinks the world is collapsing around him, and he finds the only thing keeping him together is the green eyed honey that saves him. Quite literally. </p>
<p>Also, the story in which said green eyed honey is suffocating in the warmth that is his life, when he finally finds the cool ocean he's been dreaming of. </p>
<p>(this ship is going to be the death of me.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Levi Ackerman was cold. Everything about him was cold. His appearance, his demeanor, his attitude. It wasn’t his fault really, it was just the way he was born. Steel-grey eyes and a snarky attitude, and not the cute kind either, the rude, blunt kind that doesn’t earn you many friends. His sister Mikasa was the same way, but her mother-hen instincts got her a couple friends in her high school years, although considering he was five years older than her, he never met them. He was long gone by the time she had any substantial people in her life.

He left the day after he graduated, swept away by a military recruiter with promises of love and patriotism. His recruiter said he watched him all throughout high school, every inch of self-discipline Levi had so desperately carved into himself. Levi was sure Erwin was pleased with himself when he finally got Levi in his fingertips. Mikasa cried when he told her he was leaving for the military- the marines, at that- to which he finally realized the severity of his situation. Mikasa never cried about anything, at least not that he’d ever saw, and he’s known the kid all her life. 

Nevertheless, he still left. He was shipped to boot camp, where he excelled because everything he did there was everything he did at home already. Discipline was his bitch, to put it figuratively, and he left boot camp at the top of his class. 

He was assigned to Erwin’s division, finding out that the man was only a recruiter for his elite team and he was the Commander of the Regime, an elite special ops team that went in on “top-secret missions.” These, of course, were Hanji’s words, not Levi’s. 

Hanji was an entirely different story herself. She was brash and annoying, never knew when to shut up, but she was probably one of the smartest bastards he’s ever come in contact with. She always knew the answer to scientifical shit, especially in the field of Biological Warfare, and that was her part on Erwin’s team. Erwin was the brains, so fucking smart that it made your eyes bleed. Levi was the executioner. Everything Levi got his hands on was done. Every mission was carried out, perfectly. His skill was crafted and he has yet to mess up. 

Erwin believed Levi was perfect. He told him this when they lay down at night, and Erwin whispered beautiful things along Levi’s porcelain skin. Erwin was the first person Levi ever loved, besides Mikasa. He believed for all these years that he was incapable of love, but how could he not when Erwin’s blond hair, blue eyes and strong features damn near glistened in the moonlight. 

Levi found out that it wasn’t love when the shelves on the walls shook. If the shelves were shaking, it was because either the bombs were going off again, or because Erwin was fucking him so hard into the mattress, ignoring Levi’s whimpering in pain, not pleasure, until he was finished, leaving Levi raw, weak and more vulnerable than he had ever been in his life. 

It wasn’t until they came back to the States that the beatings started. Erwin came home from a ‘meeting’ smelling of sex and alcohol, and was particularly grabby at Levi’s clothes, and Levi wasn’t in the mood. Erwin’s arm geared up and punched the fuck out of Levi, and Levi did nothing except let Erwin take him completely.

The next morning when his face bruised over, Erwin cried when he realized what had happened. He begged for Levi’s forgiveness, the I-love-yous dripping down the walls, claims of “it’ll never happen again, baby, you know you mean everything to me,” followed Levi through every part of the house. 

In time, Levi did forgive Erwin, and he did stay. And for a while, everything was great. But for Levi, nothing lasts forever. 

And this is where our story begins. 


	2. Chapter 2

Levi couldn’t understand why people liked snow so much. Personally, he thought every single snowflake had a vendetta against him. The summer months had turned to bitter, cold winter and Levi hated it. Honestly, if his work didn’t require him to leave the house so much, he would literally crawl into his heaven- which was what Levi called the cleanest, warmest spot in the house, naturally- and never leave. But the saddest part was that Levi didn’t even have duty right now, he simply had absolutely no fucking food in his house. 

So, he found himself in Maryebelle’s Market, the little grocery store on base, picking up all of Erwin’s favorite foods. He had already planned out this week’s menu, and Erwin approved of everything. He took his list out of his coat pocket and scanned the items again. Erwin had written several items in at the bottom, in red letters with double underlines. Which told Levi if he forgot to get these he would be in so much fucking trouble. 

Levi didn’t like to think about what Erwin does to him. He calls them fits, but really they are just Erwin. Levi always reminded himself that Erwin loves him, why would he set up this life for him if he didn’t? 

Sometimes, during times when they weren’t on missions, Levi felt like a regular fucking housewife, and he hated it with a passion. He felt worthless, Erwin came and went as he pleased, but Erwin dared him to fuck around with anything that wasn’t him. As Levi began to walk to the back of the store, he remembered the time he tried to give Erwin a taste of his own medicine. Erwin had walked in before they even finished eating the pizza they had ordered, picked the kid up, tossed him out the door, and began going on on Levi. He smacked Levi across his face, “How dare you bring some scrawny motherfucker in my house!” He pushed him into the table, and it smashed, “After all I’ve done for you, you fucking betray me like this, you goddamn piece of shit!” He punched him once, and then twice in his ribs, “If anyone ever touches my property again, I will end them and then I will make sure you learn this lesson again, my pet.” And then he grabbed him by the hair, dragged him to the room, and threw him on the bed. “I’ll make you wish you’d never betrayed me, Levi. I’m the only one for you. Your tight little ass is only for me.” He kissed Levi’s neck, and Levi cried. 

Coming out of the memory, Levi was disgusted. He never knew what it was to love someone and hate them so much at the same time. He knew Erwin was toxic, but who else would love him? Who else would kiss his skin so tenderly, and treat him like he was gold. When Erwin wasn’t beating him, he was so good to him. 

Levi ended up having to drive all the way across the base because some of the things Erwin wanted just weren’t at this store. Levi hated when this happened, that’s why he designed separate days in which twice a month he would go to this store and grab everything he needed, and then on two seperate, twice a month, days he would go to the other store, so he wouldn’t have to make two motherfucking trips, and drive all the way across tim-buck-fucking-two.

So it’s safe to say he’s a little bitter about it

Erwin always needed the weirdest shit. Like he would write down random fucking cords, or like gluten free, hypoallergenic, dye free, chemical free, farm raised, shampoo. Literally, just crazy shit, and Levi began to think he did it just so he would be out of the house for a couple hours. 

Eventually, Levi made it home. It was blaringly quiet in the house, Erwin was nowhere to be found. Levi put on some music, and put all the groceries away. He knew that he cleaned yesterday, but the music was on and Erwin hates it when Levi deep cleans while he’s home, (“all you wanna do is fucking clean, but you don’t wanna spend any goddamn time with me!”) It wasn’t until he was on his hands and knees scrubbing the floor that he heard slamming car doors, as in more than one. Levi hated it when Erwin brought someone home. It made Levi feel even more worthless, and even more disgusting. There have been times when Erwin made Levi watch, or even sleep with someone Erwin has brought home. 

And Levi just washed the sheets.

He had stopped a little while ago to cook dinner, he make chicken parmigiana (one of Erwin’s favorites) but he hadn’t really made enough for three. 

The door opened, and the heavy footsteps fell against the hardwood floors. Great, one giant fucking man wasn’t enough for Levi, now there’s two giants.

“Oh, Levi, sweetheart! Where are you?” The artificial honey smoothness of his words gave Levi the chills.

“I’m cleaning, Erwin.”

“You’re always fucking cleaning!”

“I like clean.”

“Yeah, yeah, come greet our guest. You have better fucking manners than that.” Levi winced at the warning in his voice. He knew that everything he did from then on was going to have a consequence. 

“Coming.” Levi moved swiftly to the front of the house, eyes never leaving his once spotless floor, that had since been ruined with muddy shoes.

“Hello. My name is Levi Ackerman. I’m Erwin’s boyfriend and subordinate. How are you doing.” He recites from memory. Erwin likes when he follow the rules. He likes when Erwin is happy. 

“Wow, Erwin, you were right. He is perfect. Look at that skin.. Beautiful.” The deep voice bellowed.

“I told you, Mike. My boy’s the epitome of perfection. Took a lot of training.” Erwin chuckled.

Levi’s tongue flew before his brain. 

“What am I, a fucking dog?” He hissed. Erwin’s eyes snapped to his instantaneously.

“I’m terribly sorry Mike, please disregard him. He needs a attitude adjustment. Levi, go wait in the room for me. We’ll have a talk.” His eyes held the truth, though. They screamed,  _ “I’m going to beat the shit out of you, I cannot fucking wait, you insolent piece of shit.” _

  
And in that moment, Levi knew he fucked up.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it's not like I'm falling in love, I just want you to do me no good. 
> 
>  
> 
> -arctic monkeys "No. 1 Party Anthem."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: ABUSE, NONCONSENSUAL SEX. PLEASE DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE EASILY TRIGGERED. STAY SAFE.

     Levi now sat on Erwin’s side of the bed, facing the wall. He knew what was coming, and he knew what he had done wrong. He should have never mouthed off, after everything Erwin has done for him, he feels like shit. He knows he deserves what Erwin is going to give him, he just _knows_ he does.

  
     An hour and a half later, a drunk Erwin and Mike strolled into the room. Well, more like staggered.

  
     “You’ll get your second punishment later Levi, but right now, you're going to watch, and do anything else that I _fucking_ say, because that's what got you into this.” Erwin sneered as he grabbed Levi’s cheeks with his massive hand. Levi simply nodded.

  
    Erwin grabbed him by his raven locks, and dragged him across the room to the love seat. “Don't you _dare_ fucking move, bitch.”

  
    Again, Levi nodded. The grip on his hair became almost overwhelming.

  
    “I'm _sorry_ , I didn't fucking hear you!”

  
        “Y-Yes sir.” Levi hated this vulnerability he had now. Two years ago he would have punched the shit out of anyone who even looked at him stupidly. Now, he's being tossed around like a rag doll, and there's nothing he can do about it, because he deserves it.

  
       So he watched.

        He watched as Erwin kissed across Mike’s skin, so _tenderly_.

      As Erwin sucked lovebites into Mike’s neck. Levi couldn't understand how even his drunken state, Erwin was so much more gentle and loving with Mike than he ever was with him. 

      Even so, he still watched, and he cried on the inside. The last few pieces of his moral were falling apart, and he didn't know how much more he could take, but he knew that he would because _he deserved it._  
     

     And when Erwin finally called him over, and shoved his face into the mattress, ignoring his ‘no’s and cries for help, simply proclaiming “You made me do this Levi,” and turned him over to Mike, who fucked him mercilessly and carelessly, didn't even prep him. Levi couldn't breathe. He thought he was going to die. He began gagging, he just wanted it to stop. There was a fire in his entire body, not from orgasm, it felt like every cell in his body was dying.

  
      His face was still shoved in the mattress, struggling for air when he starting throwing up. But, (as his face was shoved in a mattress) he started choking on his own vomit. He was going to die here, and he welcomed it.

     He realized that this was a fucking pathetic way to die, to suffocate on your own vomit, but he didn't care anymore. He deserved this, he deserved this death. Who the fuck was he kidding, asking for a dignified death?

    He’s done so many terrible things, he should be cut up in a million pieces and thrown in separate rivers.

  
      But he didn’t get the satisfaction of death. Erwin deprived him of that when he linked his fingers through his hair and ripped him up from his previous position. “You fucking idiot, you're drowning in your own puke? What the fuck is wrong with you?” Erwin threw him on the floor. Mike was stretched on across the bed.  
Erwin landed blow after blow on Levi, kicks, punches, elbows. Finally, he kicked Levi in the ribs, and when he rolled on his side, grabbed his hair and slammed him once, twice, three times into the hardwood floor. He got up and joined the bed with Mike.

  
“Sleep on the floor, fucking dog.”

 

Levi wept silently.  


* * *

 

      Levi had heard about the upcoming deployment, and the new recruits that were finishing training right now, and he honestly didn’t care. He had bigger shit to worry about, and Erwin Smith was the bigger shit.

  
     He did everything in his power to please Erwin but it was never enough. There were always bruises and stale I-love-you's.

  
     It wasn't until Erwin came home and sat Levi down and said those words, “Levi, I’m being deployed.”

     Levi’s heart dropped. He could finally leave. He could just pack up and leave and never fucking look back. Erwin would never find him.

  
    “You’ll still be here when I get back right?” Erwin looked expectedly at him.

  
    “Of course.” Levi lied.

  
      “Somehow I don't believe you. You know I never meant to hurt you, my temper is just…” Why does Erwin even want him here? All he does is beat him and insult him. Why wouldn't he just be with Mike?

  
      “Erwin.. It’ll be okay.”

 Levi started to plan immediately.


End file.
